Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Goodnight Gerry

It has been a shitty couple of days since my last post.  I don't know why I feel the urge to write this down except for a desperate need to purge the feelings of despair one cathartic syllable at a time.
For the first time in my life I have had to give permission for the euthanasia of a beloved pet and I feel like I have betrayed him. I feel overwhelmed with the guilt and sorrow of his loss.



I realise now that the suffering I saved him at the end is now mine to bear.

Goodnight Gerry XXX


56 comments:

  1. I am very sorry for your loss. I've been there, but I didn't have the chance to say good bye.
    We should consider ourselves blessed and lucky to have had them in our lives. Be strong, it will take time, but you will metabolize this loss.
    aj

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Pepper, I also have gone through this in the past couple of months. My little black kitty of twelve years companionship was suffering and I made that decision. I miss him deeply and will get another pet after a while. They don't live as long as we do, and we take such good care of them that we have removed most of their natural causes of death, and now we often have to take that last decision too. I feel for you and hope you can rest easy in the knowledge that he is not suffering.
    Hugs to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. carol, at least you could say goodbye and let him go with your love for him in your heart... been there two years ago as well. it is an awful feeling. I feel with you and understand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ooooh! I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is truly a tough decision. I remember once when my dog was very sick, there was a little old lady a few feet from me. Her dog was being euthanized. Why in the world was it in the middle of the room I can't figure.
    But, she was alone and crying. I walked from my dog's cage to hug her. It was so sad. I watched the life go out of that little dog.
    Now mine is 8 years old and I think about having to maybe make that decision one day. I don't know what I would do. To keep her from suffering I would probably do what you did. Sigh
    {{{hugs}}} to you my friend for being unselfish enough to keep Gerry from suffering any more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Pepper, I m so very sorry to hear it. It is one of the most heart breaking things there is in life. At least I think so. I too have had to make that horrible decision. So while I would never say I know how you feel, I do know it absolutely crushed met. I am sending you a big warm hug.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Having had to do the same, my heart breaks for you. It's the worst feeling ever. Still makes me cry years later. My only solace is knowing that they left the world knowing that they were loved unconditionally and that I got to say goodbye. I hope you will feel the same way too over time. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ce n'est pas une trahison de votre part mais vous l'avez aidé à partir dignement sans qu'il souffre .J'ai vécu plusieurs fois cette situation .Il faut maintenant se rappeler les bons moments que vous avez vécu ensemble. RIP Gery

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry and I know that pain all too well. I had to send my Gizmo over the Rainbow Bridge a few months ago. He'd been my buddy and constant companion for 11 years and I am still grieving. Sending *hugs* and peaceful thoughts you way, dear. I am really, so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am so sorry and I know that pain all too well. I had to send my Gizmo over the Rainbow Bridge a few months ago. He'd been my buddy and constant companion for 11 years and I am still grieving. Sending *hugs* and peaceful thoughts you way, dear. I am really, so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've been there too and all I can say is 'you did the right thing, hard as it was'...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so sorry for your loss. Goodbye sweet Gerry.........

    ReplyDelete
  12. Perhaps this article will hep you through the guilt over the euthanasia. It is was written to help people understand what they are feeling in those circumstances and help resolve those emotions so you can grieve the loss without the guilty feelings.
    http://www.aplb.org/support/euthanasia/pet_euthanasia.php

    I am very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Pepper,
    It's the worst feeling ever. The guilt and the wondering if the timing was right...there's just no right words. Pets are our soulmates and it's one of the hardest decisions to ever make.
    Positive vibes to you and I hope you realize your cat will always be there nearby. I know it's crappy to hear that because we physically just want them there, but he will never really leave you. Your energy is connected and as weird as this seems, you'll probably still see glimpses of him here and there our of the corner of your eye and that's him showing you he's always with you. I still miss my childhood dog as well as our beloved American Bulldog that we had to put to sleep last summer.
    You're not alone in this or these feelings one bit.
    Hugs xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  14. *big big tight tight squeeze out your lungs hug*

    :(

    ReplyDelete
  15. I understand completely. I've had to do it four times in my life, and shitty describes it very well. It's the end that is so, so hard. They give us so much joy, and then the end is always such a mess, such a horrible time, having to decide the "when" for a beloved pet. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Big hugs! xo Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  16. Pepper, you did the right thing, even if it doesn't feel that way. I've never not had a cat, and, well, it never gets easier. *big hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am so sorry Pepper, we have also had to make this decision four times in our lives, it is different which each one and doesn't really get easier, in a few short years I will probably be there again with my beloved 10 year old dog and I expect this one will be the hardest, he is my constant companion. Thinking of you...and it will get better with time, in the end it is the only choice we have with a beloved pet that is suffering, difficult as it is. Lots of hugs

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm sorry for you loss, but I think your decision was right. When you really love someone, sometimes you have to let it go... Remember: no more pain, no more tribulation. Keep your good memories! Warm hugs, Melli

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Pepper, I'm really sorry to hear this, but you did the right thing. He wouldn't have known a thing about it or known what was going on. It's a horrible decision to make, especially if you've never been in that position before. You haven't betrayed him at all, he had a good home and life, as will all of your future cats. As a general rule (remedy to grief) I get another in as quick as possible. Have a laugh now about something he did that was really naughty. My old dog once stopped traffic by deciding to go right in the middle of the road as we were crossing. What a show for the drivers that was :D

    I'll be thinking of you and Gerry and all the tales he left behind :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Pepper: I am so sorry for your loss! But yes, your decisin was the right thing! He is having no more pain!
    Warm Hugs
    Kikka

    ReplyDelete
  21. First Pepper--hugs for you. ((huggles))

    I know what you had to do is a difficult thing (it never gets easier in my experience) but it was necessary. It is rarely an easy decision and the fact that you made it shows how much you love Gerry. Your heart breaks but remember that the reason for doing it was to keep Gerry from having to struggle and live with pain. Cats, unlike people hide their pain much better.

    You did the right thing, and Gerry knows that and loves you for it.
    I'm sorry that there isn't anything that I can do to help you get through this but allow yourself to grieve and keep him in your heart (as I am sure he will still be with you in spirit).

    *hugs from my kitties*
    Erica

    ReplyDelete
  22. been there, know how you feel xx he lokks like a beautiful cat, you've done the most UNselfish thing for him, he will be happy now at Rainbow Bridge. Look after yourself *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  23. I've been there too. It's a hard decision to make, just know that it's so much better than him suffering. You will always have him in your heart and he went knowing that you love him.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Aww I'm so sorry :-( We had the same decision to make at Easter with our 13 year cocker spaniel. Still can't get that last few hours out of my mind and miss her every day but I promise it hurts a little less over time xxx

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm so sorry for your loss and I think that your decision was hard but necessary. I too have had to make that horrible decision but it was the only thing to do. A big hug.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am so sorry hon, I know its a terrible feeling. The other side of this is realizing that the pain of that loss is proof of the quality of love you shared. The pain is great because the love was great. Just good memories after that! Healing hugs~

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am so sorry hon, I know its a terrible feeling. The other side of this is realizing that the pain of that loss is proof of the quality of love you shared. The pain is great because the love was great. Just good memories after that! Healing hugs~

    ReplyDelete
  28. You did the right thing for him, in the most wretched of circumstances. And thank you for letting us know.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Aw, sweetie. I have been there, and it is a terrible yet merciful thing to do. Hugs for you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am so sorry for your loss...I hope that in time it becomes conforting that he is not suffering any more. The lost of a pet is painful, I know all to well. Sending hugs your way.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Awww such a difficult thing to go through and do, a pet is part of the family. So sorry. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh no, that is so sad! It really is one of the hardest things to do, even if you know it's for the best. He was such a lovely crazy cat! Sending you lots of huge bigs hugs, from Krista as well.

    ReplyDelete
  33. This is sad news and I can understand your feelings. But you didn't betray him - you did what you had to do... take care of him and save him from suffering. Best wishes to you!

    Hugs
    Birgit

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lo siento mucho, he pasado por ese trance y sé lo duro que es. Un fuerte abraz<o!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Sorry for your loss. It's very hard to part from a loyal friend but sometimes you have to make the right decision.
    Think of how much pain and suffering were saved for him. I wish it was possible to make such
    decisions for humans with terminal diseases.
    A warm hug, Drora

    ReplyDelete
  36. It was done with love after a life filled with love.Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Has hecho lo mejor para el, tu amor se nota en tus palabras, seguro que desde donde esté te lo agradece.
    Un abrazo
    Maite

    ReplyDelete
  38. I don't think I've ever commented here yet, but having lost two deeply loved black cats myself over the last three years, my heart aches for you. It's never easy knowing when it's time, but I've learned over the years that waiting too long is much worse, and much more traumatic for both you. I personally believe that cats live in the moment. They don't obsess about the quantity of their time or what the future holds. That's our burden. And I think when we insist on holding on to them past when their lives have little left but suffering, we aren't doing it for them, but for ourselves. This wasn't a betrayal. You loved him and you ensured he didn't die a prolonged and agonizing death.

    I know that no matter what anyone tells you, it doesn't really ease the pain... What a terrible loss. My sincere condolences for your beautiful Gerry.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Carol,
    I'm so sorry for your loss!
    Neomi

    ReplyDelete
  40. My heart goes out to you, it is never easy losing a furbaby.

    ReplyDelete
  41. So sorry to hear of your loss Carol a difficult decision with any pet, but i have no doubt it was the right one. Keep ya chin up gal ;)

    ReplyDelete
  42. I grieve for your loss and sorrow, Pepper :^((( You did make the right decision for Gerry's sake. He was fortunate to have had you as his mom...

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hi Pepper, I know just what you are experiencing right now. My Max Maxwell became desperately sick in May of last year. I hated to see him suffer so and was ready to have him put down. As it was, he died in the garden. It was inevitable but it took hours before he finally gave up his struggle. It was difficult to watch the process and although having them put down is quicker, there is still the feelings of guilt either way.
    I am so sorry that you have to go through this rough time right now. Writing out your feelings is healthy and as you can see by the responses, we have all been there at one time or another, and you'll get through it eventually.
    You are in my thoughts!

    elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  44. Oh I'm so sorry. :'( He looked absolutely gorgeous and, hard as it was, letting him go in peace is always preferable to prolonging suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I am so sorry for your loss. It is never an easy decision. I still miss both my cats and I wish I could have saved Sabrina the suffering that she went through at the end as I tried to save her.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm so sorry to read about Gerry, it's a horrible decision to have to make & I really feel for you. I've had to make that call twice so far, it's awful & not an easy decision to make at all, but at least Gerry isn't suffering any more.

    He was gorgeous & I hope that it won't be too long before you can think about him without also feeling the guilt & sorrow you're currently feeling. I know these things take time.

    ReplyDelete
  47. De tout cœur avec toi!
    Amicalement, Dominique

    ReplyDelete
  48. Ох, Pepper! Мне очень жаль! Это так грустно!
    Татьяна

    ReplyDelete
  49. I'm really sorry to hear about Gerry. It's a horrible process to go through. I had to go through this last year with one of my two chinchillas and it is really hard, but in the end I was relieved he was no longer in pain. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I am sorry for your loss. I went through this nine years ago with my beloved Gloria, who I had for 17 years. She was ready and I still felt bad.

    ReplyDelete
  51. I'm so sorry for your loss! You write the exact feelings I had when I had to make a decision with my dog, and this summer mum's dog too. It is terrible to be the one to make the call, and yes, the suffering we save them, we get our self =( But it will get better with time.. Hope you will be able to remember the good things soon, and forget a little about this hard time.
    Hannah

    ReplyDelete
  52. Have a good trip, Gerry...
    Love,
    Flora

    ReplyDelete
  53. So sad for you. The only bad thing about beloved pets is losing them.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oh dear Carol, I am so so sorry for your loss... .I don't know what to say.., except that I think it is the act of great love and braveness to prevent an animal from great suffering, in this case Gerry's, but it hurts like hell, I know. I sincerely hope you can 'forgive' yourself. Take care..

    ReplyDelete
  55. Im very sorry for your Gerry. For me it's not an option to put my pets to sleep (I could never ever forgive myself) but I do understand if someone has to do it. I lost my 19 year old cat a few months ago and my 20 years old cat just a few weeks ago....for both my vet adviced me to put them down but i just couldn't. In the tragedy I've always been lucky that they left in a few days of illness....they spared me from the difficult choice of putting them down. Anyway, it doesn't really matter how they leave us, it's always a huge suffering to loose your "like kids" pets. Big hug!!

    ReplyDelete