I'm finished. Well the bricks are finished...on one wall. An ecstatic lap of the room quickly gives way to dismay when I notice some of the bricks are not quite right. Of course the glue has already set and the wonky masonary cannot be removed with anything less than a Chieftain tank and a tow rope. Picking at them with a selection of specialist tools, screwdriver - steak knife - fingernails, exaserbates my frustration. Old buildings are prone to shifting, right? Grabs a bag of Maltesers, amusingly labelled a 'share' pack, and scoffs them alone, under a duvet. Will I ever be a Minature Stone Mason? I think not.
Day 2, Monday 9th February
Enthusiasm renewed, the finished design for the window frames follow three bum-numbing hours at the laptop. Hoorah. My pet cats get catnip treats in a collective celebration of mummies achievements. I've measured the opening four times, checked the design twice. I head upstairs to realise my masterpiece.
Residual light from the laser is seered permanently into my retinas after excitedly watching it make it's way along the wood. Window design looks oddly bed shaped...
Note to self - always wear goggles and ALWAYS clear the history on the laser cutter first. Removes fretwork bed design from laser and starts again.
First of the two-part window frames roll off production. Negotiates a path down the stairs between two cats rubbing themselves in their own catnip flavoured saliva puddle. Still manage to trip on the last stair in oversize bunny slippers. Fits window with a little persuasion and finds a big, fat gap at the top. Where the hell did I leave that drawing board? I need to get back to it.
Day 3, Tuesday 10th February
Didn't sleep well last night. Cats and Husband are utilising the heat generated from my hot flushes as their own personal comfy blanket. I do hope these Menopausal symptoms lasts another five years. They're the best.
Finish work at 4.30pm. Drive twelve miles like a woman posessed and arrive at the model supply shop exactly fourteen minutes after closing time. No more wood, no further progress to report.
Pick up more Maltesers on the way home
Day 4, Wednesday 11th February
Start a new project to fill the void until my wood order is delivered. Opts for the hardest, most time consuming project to master. Hormonal surges and drug fuelled pets are clearly not enough of a challenge.
Begin sculpting a badger from Super Sculpey polymer clay. Husband likens my efforts to a potato from Mars.? What would that even look like?
High probability of pushing other half down the stairs. Chance of escaping prosecution severly diminished by blogging about it.
Day 5, Thursday 12th February
This morning I felt I had to explain to colleagues why cooking my badger in the oven isn't as sinister as it sounds and why applying fur to my Badger isn't a euphamism for something kinky. I.work.with.devils.
Next steps continue in this order;
- comb and cut Alpaca fibre
- smear glue everywhere
- apply fibre clump with tweezers
- remove clump still attached to tweezers
- cough and inhale the best part of a tupperware box full of flocking powder
- choke some more
- Resent anyone who is at all talented at this miniature animal making stuff
- Wash off glue and start again
I persevere because I'm getting 'the look' from across the table. It wouldn't take much you know. A loose floorboard, a bit of raggy carpet and BAM! Face plant down the stairs.
Hours later, could have been day since I've lost track of time and Maltesers, I discover that miniature animal hairdressing is another necessary skill I need to learn. Who knew?
'Brutus' looks like he's running due to my shaky camera arm.
Run you sweet, little, alien potato, run!
Have a fab weekend